I’m worried. The world of technology
is on fire. It has seeped into every facet of our lives—some for good, some for
ill. One of my greatest concerns is the loss of valued communication conventions.
Today, many technology enthusiasts would rather text than talk, rather send an
emoji than write a respectable sentence.
Okay, I get it; it’s a new world, I
have to adapt. And I admit that high technology for me is a ten-foot spring
cord attached to the yellow princess telephone hanging on the kitchen wall. But
there are some things that I refuse to give up. One is the powerful art of
offering praise that is elegantly written or spoken.
I once reported to a manager who was
stingy with praise. I had the sense that affirming someone’s performance was,
for him, as repugnant as kissing a goat on the lips. Here’s an email exchange
that he and I had at the end of my first year with the company.
Allen: After a year on the job, are you satisfied with my
work?
Manager: [No email response.]
Allen: Are you intentionally dodging my question?
Manager: No, I just missed it by not scrolling down. I’m
satisfied.
Allen: You made me laugh. You embarrassed me with your
extravagant praise. Why so wordy? You could have trimmed your analysis down to
“Satisfied” or, better yet, “Uh-huh.”
Manager: Uh-huh J
Everyone has a personal comfort
zone. Who knows, my manager may have felt that the smiley face on his last
entry was tantamount to a declaration of eternal love (although I doubt it).
The point is I was not sure how he felt. That’s the problem with cryptic
messages: they’re ambiguous, leaving you unsure about where you stand.
“Gee,
am I doing all right? Or do I need to change course? I just don’t know.”
In contrast, an elegantly written or
spoken affirmation can be a mighty motivator. Unfortunately, managers (as well
as parents and teachers), may not know how to pen or articulate a full-fledged
acknowledgment. In 1979, Xerox Learning Systems published an easy four-step affirmation
model that does the job beautifully. Do you have an employee, student, or
family member who merits a word of praise? Here’s how to do it in a way that will
thrill the recipient.
1. Make
a general reference to the behavior or performance being praised.
2. Give
specific examples.
3. Mention
the personal qualities that contributed.
4. Highlight
the benefits to the company, school, or home.
When I was in college, I played
Shylock in a production of Shakespeare’s The
Merchant of Venice. A few days after the final show I found a hand-written
card in my student mailbox from the director of the music department. That was
50 years ago, and I still have that letter. I’d like to share it with you, not
because I want to revisit my fifteen minutes of fame, but because it is such a
beautiful example of a perfectly composed affirmation. The bracketed words are
mine—a nod to the four-step Xerox model.
Allen
[General
reference.] It was a delight to be in the audience for
the final showing of The Merchant of
Venice—a production made memorable by your performance.
[Specific
examples.] I was impressed with your facility with Elizabethan
language, which can be daunting. Your voice was powerful and your diction
precise. More importantly, you were able to portray a myriad of nuanced
emotions, which underscored your mastery as a young actor.
[Personal
qualities that contributed.] It is clear that you are a diligent
student of your craft. You had the personal resolve to make the performance
come to life.
[Benefits
to the organization.] Performances like yours herald the high
standards of artistry for our college and, specifically, for our division of
performing arts. Bravo.
Those one hundred and eleven words of
praise were pivotal in my decision to become a committed thespian. In the years
that followed, I acted and directed on all levels—high school, college,
community, and professional—a lifetime of theatrical bliss.
What a small price to pay—just fifteen
to thirty minutes to compose a thoughtful affirmation—when the payoff can kindle
heartfelt gratitude, a revitalized commitment to excellence, or even a new
vocational path. That’s a bargain I’ll take anytime. Uh-huh. J
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